Rock Princess

About two hours ago my daughter trashed her first green room. She’s two years old.

Her mother was giving a concert in this theatre-café not far from where we live. Small place, very small. I think they call it intimate these days. The green room was probably bigger than the stage. And about as clean as I’ve ever seen. Until the apple of my eye hit.

Do you wanna know how many times you have to kick a wall tile before it cracks? Once. How about how many times you have to push over a coat stand before it breaks? Once. And guess how many times you have to tug the door handle with your whole body weight before it snaps off? That’s right, just once.

I knew I shouldn’t have given her that second beer.

This is how ignorant I am. I thought I was going to have an easy night of it, just baby sitting and not setting up the mixing table, the speakers, and all that other technical stuff. When I pictured it in my head I saw myself sitting in the wings with my little girl, enjoying Mama on stage, maybe sharing a line or two of coke, and just chillin. More fool me.

I guess it was all OK up until she ran on stage. My wife gives me one of her glares, you guys know the one – hits you right in the liver, which means that now I have to run on stage to get her. And me with my stage fright and all. It’s actually why I’m a writer and not a musician (that and the fact that I’m tone deaf). Suck it in mujo – be a good dad.

So we did a couple of circles around the guitarist before I got her in a head lock and wrestled her off stage. It was good for a few laughs I must admit, but the manager got all uppity and wanted to throw us out.

That’s my wife on stage.”

I don’t care who it is, you and the little shit – out!”

Arsehole.

Then, of course, there was the fight with the manager. He got in a couple of good shots, right to the gut – by my little girl clipped his chin with a nice left hook that sent him right to sleep.

The crowd loved it. My wife less. She said our daughter missed an easy opening for a shin kick.

Next time I guess.

About two hours ago my daughter trashed her first green room, and I am so proud of her.

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