Reading in the Toilet

I read in the toilet and I’m proud of it.

Once upon a time it was the cause of much anxiety. Even shame. But with counselling and an indulgence in certain prescription medications I’ve come to accept this odd aspect of my psyche. Nay, I embrace it.

Something goes out – Something comes in.

It’s all very Taoist when you look at it the right way.

Mainly, I engage novels while on the throne. Glossy journals come in a good second place. It’s been a while since I took newspapers into the chamber with me – I found it hard to explain those dirty smudges in socially awkward areas.

My wife found my dunny reading habits good material for dinner conversation for at least the first few years of our relationship. Though ‘quaintly charming’ gave way to ‘irritating’ soon enough.

Now when she sees me going to that little place of zen with study material in hand she does a sprint to the loo any running back would be proud of, lest she be forbidden from finding her own physiological calm for the next hour or so.

God bless her understanding.

Recently, however, something strange has been developing. I started reading The Vagina Monologues (Eve Ensler) in the can, but was hiding it from my wife. And I didn’t really know why.

It wasn’t like I was having an affair, I just felt (stupidly) bad about it and wanted to fess up. Come what may. So, after much stuttering and gesticulation I simply blurted out …

I’m reading The Vagina Monologues in the toilet.”

Getting off on it?”

No. Not really. I just wanted to tell you is all.”

I know already. I see you trying to put it back into the bookshelf exactly how it was before.”

Oh.”

Perhaps a little more counselling is in order.

So, in keeping with the spirit of telling it how it is (a central message of the Monologues) let me offer the following …

I read when I take a shit – and I’m trying my best to be proud of it.

2 Responses to “Reading in the Toilet”

  1. snagglewordz Says:

    Hahaha, your wife is definitely on to you. Never been a reader in the loo myself. Was house-sitting recently and noticed a magazine in the toilet, within seconds I was doing the crossword. Only later did I stop to wonder how many others had fingered the magazine and pen. I think you’ve got it right in taking your own reading material!

  2. Ha! Too funny, I didn’t know it was something to be ashamed of. It was standard practice in my family.

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